Most of you will have noticed that I got my e-zine sent out a couple of days ago. I’m now recovered enough from that to blog again. 🙂
I’m reading through the comments of the last couple of days. Several of you have noticed that writing a one-sentence summary is hard. Yes, it is. That is the beauty and the curse of it.
A great one-sentence summary is like a great haiku or a great limerick. When you nail it, you know it. And people remember it. OK, here is a haiku for today. Remember that the only rule is that you have 3 lines, with 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Here’s a really bad haiku:
Haiku doesn’t rhyme
At least, not most of the time
It’s five, seven, five
Here’s a really bad limerick:
There once was a writer named Ran
Whose limericks never would scan.
He said, “I try hard,
But I guess I’m no Bard,
Because I always cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can!”
Writing a bad haiku or a bad limerick gives you some serious appreciation for good ones. Ditto with one-sentence summaries.
Let’s look at those rules I laid down for you:
1) As few words as possible.
2) Focus on one or two characters.
3) Focus on one plot thread.
4) Be specific!
5) Capture the conflict.
The reasons for each of those rules comes from the purpose of your one-sentence summary — it is a marketing tool. In order to be useful, a marketing tool needs to be both memorable and interesting. Let’s see how this purpose drives the rules:
1) You want a sentence people can remember. Fewer words are easier to remember than many words.
2) 1 or 2 characters are easier to remember than 3 or 4.
3) 1 plot thread is easier to remember than 2 or 3.
4) The more specific, the more interesting.
5) The more conflict, the more interesting.
What makes all this hard is that pesky word constraint. Anybody can create an interesting marketing message in 500 words. But when you restrict to 15 words or less, that’s when the art enters.
And this is why YOU are responsible for writing your one-sentence summary — because it’s hard. Your editor probably won’t do as a good a job as you will. Neither will your marketing director. Neither will your sales force, the bookstore staff, or your readers.
If you don’t do it well, then somebody else will do it badly. Your mission, and you really don’t have any choice but to accept it, is to make compromises among the conflicting requirements to produce the best one-sentence summary you can.
Now let’s look at Camille’s updated one-sentence summary:
A bitter widower’s second chance at love means marrying a dying woman.
Randy sez: Yes! That’s so much better than before. Let’s look at what makes this work. First of all, only 12 words. Camille has a good shot at memorizing that. So does everybody else. Now we’ve got 2 characters and 1 plot line, so we score again.
Let’s look at those characters and the plot. We’ve got “A bitter widower”. That’s pretty good. We’ve got a “second chance at love.” That’s good too. We’re rooting for him already. Then we’ve got the kicker, and notice how well it’s backloaded onto the last two words: “marrying a dying woman.” Yow! That kicks.
Yes, Camille, I think you nailed this one. It may be possible to tighten it a little more, but I personally don’t see how. If I was an editor at a writing conference and you tossed this at me at dinner, I’d say, “Camille, we need to talk. Have you got time in your busy schedule for an appointment with me? Please????”
I like Camille’s latest way better, too! It seems to say it all, yet leave you wanting to know more at the same time.
Hi Randy, You’re probably sick of 1-sentence summaries already, but what the heck, here’s mine:
A Che Guevara disciple fails to assassinate Fidel Castro, but stumbles upon something much more sinister: love.
I don’t want this to imply that the disciple falls in love WITH Fidel Castro, but I’m afraid it does. I don’t have enough distance from it to judge it effectively.
Thanks,
Frank
Randy: taking your words to heart, I heightened the language and tension in my one-sentence summary. From: “a single, working mom grapples with the powerful influence a wealthy family has over her teenage daughter,” to: “A single, working mom, battles against the seduction of her teenage daughter by a powerful, wealthy family.”
Randy: taking your words to heart, I heightened the language and tension in my one-sentence summary. From: “a single, working mom grapples with the powerful influence a wealthy family has over her teenage daughter,” to: “A single, working mom battles against the seduction of her teenage daughter by a powerful, wealthy family.”
Really??? You mean I finally passed? YES!!!
Question…how do you work an interesting one out if you’re a puzzle writer or use some other method and haven’t gotten all the details figured out on your story? You know your beginning and how it will all end up but not totally how you’re going to get there. I know that using the Snowflake method it’s the first step but is it ok if you get a chunk, or chunks, of the story written before you attempt the one sentence summary?
Okay, I am going to go ahead and edit the one sentence summary I originally submitted. Is this better or just different?
Original: A pastor’s wife joins a girl biker club and encounters new adventures that startle and shake up her husband’s church.
Revised: When a burned-out pastor’s wife becomes a biker chick, her new adventures startle and shake up her husband’s church.
golden daffodil
blooming in a meadow bright
earthbound sunshine glows
Haiku – easy
one sentence summary – very difficult
Randy’s help – priceless
I too would like a second chance:
Original: A software developer discovers the terrifying truth about corporate manipulation of the global food chain.
Mike Z stumbles upon the terrifying truth that will change history forever: Food is a weapon.
I too would like a second chance:
Original: A software developer discovers the terrifying truth about corporate manipulation of the global food chain.
Revised: Mike Z stumbles upon the terrifying truth that will change history forever: Food is a weapon.
Karla I love it. I’ll read the book! Then I thought ‘When a burned-out pastor’s wife becomes a biker chick, her new adventures startle and shake up her husband’s church.’ could be shortened to A (dissolutioned) burned-out pastor’s wife becomes a biker chick, shaking up her husband’s church.’ I think startle and shake up are very simimilar. I don’t know if she is dissolutioned but if she was saying that would engage my interest more as a potential reader. Is there an even stronger word for shaking up. Does it divide his church? Destroy it? Just some thoughts.
Karla, I think the ‘biker chick’ is the strongest part of the sentence. I’d probably move it to the end. That sure sounds like a fun book!
I need help. If a story is writen as three acts in a play, but each act is very different how do you tie them together in a one sentence summary? In the first part a teenage girl is pregnant, but the child is given up for adoption. The second part has the child get adopted. The third part has them coming back together.
Ok, I also tried rewriting my first version.
23 words old version:
A reluctant father has to step up and attempt an impossible rescue when his son is kidnapped by a couple from another dimension.
15 words new version:
A reluctant unbelieving father crosses dimensions to steal his kidnapped son from a fanatic couple.
I’m not sure if the father is described well. There are two parts to him: he is not engaged as a parent and he doesn’t believe in anything spiritual or other dimensional. The first is important for character growth and to identify with him, the second is crucial to the plot. I’m not sure if “reluctant unbelieving” describes that. I had “deranged” to describe the couple but I think “fanatic” works better and is more correct.
Debbie, taking Randy’s notes I would say you have this to work with:
Lead character: teenage girl (or child)
Bad character: Father, adoption agency, adopting couple (you have to figure this out)
Verb: gives away, longs for…?
Motivation: Hole in her heart
Sentence suggestion: A teenage girl longs to fill the hole in her heart when her child is given up for adoption.
Ok, maybe that is not the best. This is much harder than what it looks.
Learning from what others have done, I think my sentence summary is too abstract. Here is what I put on this blog last week:
“A Fish Without a Bicycle”
Autumn of 1970, in California’s Central Valley, a feckless teenager subverts the dominant paradigm while learning about love.
It’s for a Young Adult novel with lots of tongue-in-cheek humor.
Here’s my second try (more like ten-thousandth try 😉
Feckless fifteen year old dodges marriage proposal.
Better? Worse? All feedback welcome.
Karla, a suggestion:
A burned out pastor’s wife causes (insert appropriate descriptive work here) in her husband’s church by becoming a biker chick.
Andie – it still seems a little vague. Can you give us more back story? Is it appropriate to call the fifteen year old a flowerchild? This implies the year/culture of the setting, which helps.
She wanted a bigger house with room for a nursery, but the death of her husband and the scandal of counterfeit ruins her dreams.
Book title: Violated Dreams
Correction:
She wanted a bigger house with room for a nursery, but the death of her husband and the scandal of counterfeit drugs, ruins her dreams.
Thank you for that, Bonne – great world, flowerchild. Here’s my next try:
Teen flowerchild finds female camaraderie and dodges a marriage proposal in the Bible Belt of California.
Tightened:
She wanted a bigger house with room for a nursery, but then her husband was murdered.
Hi, 1st time blogger and complete amateur here 🙂
here is my first shot at a one-sentence summary for a novel that is *supposed* to be the first of a little series and actually has three narrators, but I tried to simplify as best I could.
A popular young aristocrat attempts to ally two powerful ancient Greek city-states but an alluring concubine and a peripatetic country girl endanger his plans.
ideas?
Oh, I know so much more about it now, Andie! Can camaraderie be made more specific? Are these just buddies she hangs around with or are they mentors? Are they feminists?
I would also add ‘A’ to the beginning of the sentence, so it doesn’t read like a headline.
Sharon:
I took some assumptive liberties with the plot, but maybe there’s something helpful in here. I think I’m hooked on other people’s one-sentence summaries.
Her husband’s murder and the ensuing scandal dash a pregnant woman’s domestic dreams.
I just filled a page doing this.
I started with:
Man, machine and the paranormal unite to enforce the edicts of the Universal Government, but dark ops has just gotten darker and the future is not what it seems when the team finds themselves forced into pivotal roles to change the universe. (42 words)
Thirteenth attempt:
As an elite interstellar dark ops team pursues a psionic kidnapper they discover a plot that will change the universe. (20 words)
What do you think? (thanks)
I’m with Bonne. Other people’s one sentence summaries are way more fun than my own.
Mary, I like it, but I think you can still get more specific at the end. An intersteller dark ops team pursues a psionic kidnapper and discovers ____. You get four words to tell me the terrible plot that will keep me riveted for the length of your novel.
No pressure. 🙂
I have learned by reading your comments. Hope this is better. Title changed to: An Appointed Time
Guilt driven daughter freed by Mother’s diary and book of lies written about her father.
hmm, OK Carrie. Four words.
An intersteller dark ops team pursues a psionic kidnapper and discovers ____.
How about:
__they are being hunted
__fate can be cruel
__evil has a name
__their leader’s worst nightmare
__their reality under attack
__an eternal enemy
Arrg. Any of these look doable to u? I could probably fill another page. The book plot is jam-packed full of twists and turns and it is hard not to give something away.
(Good thing there was no pressure.)
Anna,
I don’t know much about your book, but from what you just wrote, perhaps you should consider using MOTHER’S DIARY & LIES as a title.
Guilt driven daughter is freed by
–her mother’s words from beyond the grave.
–the power of the pen.
Or
Powerful words from the past free a guilt driven daughter from ___
(just a thought)