In my last blog post, I critiqued a 53 word one-sentence summary by Livinus and got it down to about 16 words. Livinus edited it slightly today.
Livinus can you email me or post a comment here? I’d like permission to show this example in my e-zine tomorrow, since I think it’ll be educational. Let me know if that’s OK.
Randy, sure, you can show it in the e-zine. As I mentioned in that post, I wanted everyone to learn as you get it down to few words. So long you would mention in the e-zine that it’s the hook of my actual novel in progress so readers wouldn’t use the same for theirs.
Meanwhile, you wanted to know more about the bad guy. In the novel, he strikes every opposition, infiltrates the system, poisons the people’s mind. Aim: topple the government and reinstall the monarchy in France, then use France as a save haven to strike the US. Yes, it’s a ‘high concept novel’, but I’ve tried to make the main character lovable and motivated by high but personal stakes. Such as use the huge financial reward he would earn to help/change a poor Nigerian community.
Can this be converted to one adjective and worked into this hook? Or can you develop this in your e-zine?
Sarah Henderson-Sharon says
is it too late to submit a sentence? I spent a while on this a few weeks ago but was just reading your blog and think it needs improving! I think it needs more specifics in it as you said but I can’t think of how to do this without increasing the length by quite a lot. If you have time to crit it I’d be really grateful.
An elven-chief faces mountains and ferocious bears as she attempts to lead her tribe to safety.