-I left out “mass destruction” because from the blurb it does not seem like the emphasis is on the weapon, but on her existence in the virtual world.
-also it might change how this is structured if she is just ‘fleeing’ or is she pursued?

This is actually book 2, following on from Faith Awakened in which the virtual reality played a huge role. Here I want to pick it up again but look at it from another angle while telling a different kind of story.

The virtual reality itself is like a dreamworld except that it is more spiritual than ‘out here’, i.e. it is easier to sense God. Unbeknownst to Naomi, her virtual life is being controlled by a friend back in Ireland who wrote a program for her. This part is very much an epilogue to the main action of the story which is Naomi’s fight to survive, but will take up more space than an epilogue usually would. Hmm…nasty lack of tension in the final third of the book. I’ll have to fix that!

Also, how does her fleeing into the virtual reality save either herself or the world? Unless she hasn’t given all her research, leaving out a critical component. That would force her to run from government agents trying to find that last piece. But wait, you say she is running from the plague itself. Ok, that would save her from the plague, assuming it will burn itself out after a time. Or do all the survivors have to stay in their virtual reality units forever? So much for the human race.

Yet, her friend back in Ireland is controlling her virtual world, implying that s/he is still out in the real world. Are some people immune?

This additional information actually made things *more* murky for me. I could make a clear one-sentence summary with the earlier information, but I don’t think it would be the book you’re writing.

“A biologist flees a plague based on her humanitarian work and into a virtual world where she must fight to survive.”

21 words: too long? It includes more information. I dropped the Belfast, because I couldn’t see how it was integral to the story. Is it? Is it important to note the plague was created by the government?

Randy sez: I can never resist an absurd pun.

When her miracle-fertilizer turned plague threatens the world, a Belfrast biologist flees to her dangerous virtual world.

It’s 19 words, still a little long, but it incorporates information in the original storyline and the new one.

The original summary posits two separate conflicts: 1.) A biologist’s creation has been used against her. 2.) A biologist is in a virtual world she has lost control of her life.

Based on the additional information you provided, I’m not sure if these should be your selling conflicts. Especially since you indicated the ’strange power’ influencing her life is more of a coda than a principal concern.

It seems like your summary should shift focus slightly:

A Belfast biologist dives into a virtual world to find the cure for a global plague.

This obviously makes several assumptions about your story which I’m not sure are correct, but given your indication that the virtual world aspects are substantial, that they are the only safe haven for the plague, and that inside the virtual world she has a better spiritual sense, I think I’m close.

Anyway, regardless of the details of the story, I definitely suggest finding a single conflict to focus on and provide some reason why the virtual world is important.