Comments on: Star Wars–One Paragraph Summary Winner

By: Wayne

Wayne — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 06:13:17 +0000

Excellent exercise.
Thanks.

By: peppiv

peppiv — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:29:55 +0000

Both paragraphs are very good. But the difference in using names brings up a good point. I liked Ben’s paragraph because I could throw my own imagination (and perhaps some of myself) into who these characters are. But in Randy’s paragraph, specifying the names doesn’t leave room for that. Perhaps it’s the difference between a reader POV and a publisher POV.

When Randy uses ‘Storm Troopers’, I have no idea that they’re connected to the ‘Death Star’. For me, it didn’t really paint a strong antagonist (the Empire).

Using character names selectively does give you an idea about the flair of the characters.

Is either way definitively better? Should you always include names?

By: Davalynn

Davalynn — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 03:23:59 +0000

I’d like a sense of setting at the beginning of your graph, Randy, and a hint at Luke’s age. I tried to read this as if I hadn’t seen the movie. Therefore I have a couple of questions: What are Jedi, Chewbacca, Storm Trooper and Death Star? The last two are obviously associated with the bad guys, but who/what are the bad guys? There’s not enough info for me to know.

I guess it’s a toss up as to which is better in the summary graph: the character’s name or the character’s job. As the successful, published novelist, you have the final say on this one, Randy.

By: Pam Halter

Pam Halter — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:13:27 +0000

Now if I could only do that with my own novel!

By: Suellen

Suellen — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 22:48:09 +0000

Kind sir and fellow loyal blog readers,

This is all very educational, and truly I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but is anyone besides me frustrated that the story example used is an action story?

I for one would love to see an example of how to use this one-sentence and on-paragraph summary idea on a character-driven story.

By: Destiny

Destiny — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 06:19:57 +0000

I think it reads better with the character names but I think that there are a bit too many. If you arent originally familiar with the story you could get completely confused about so many names (And that includes words like “Death Star”) to remember.

By: Angel Ortega

Angel Ortega — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 09:55:20 +0000

I also think Ben’s is clearer; I don’t know what those ‘Storm Tropper’ or ‘Death Star’ things are. I even find the use of ‘droid’ confusing, I would rather prefer ‘robot’ (I don’t know if it’s an english word, or even it’s patented or copyrighted). Without names, the flow of the story is less polluted with noise.

By: peppiv

peppiv — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:44:23 +0000

Randy, not sure what you have planned, but it’d be great to have us write a paragraph summary of our own WIP and post it here. Interesting to read and comment on summaries about stories we don’t know.

By: Lara

Lara — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 19:33:47 +0000

I like Ben’s first sentence better for both setting and characterization. The part “who dreams of adventure” gives us a good picture of Luke’s internal conflict when we first meet him. That conflict is important for all the back story it hints at (IMHO). Just a small difference that I think matters here.

By: Paul Epson

Paul Epson — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 20:11:56 +0000

Both paragraphs are good although different I however don’t feel so confortable with Randy’s paragraph.
Too many names are put in there, I think the choice of two or three would be more appropriate.
I feel like Ben’s more fluant and easy to read rather than Randys’, but let’s not forget that it is on a training purpose that Randy gave us this version.
Thank you for the lecon and hope to have more challenges soon.

By: Kermit

Kermit — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:23:08 +0000

I think I prefer Ben’s opening line, if he’d put in names, because it starts with more of a disastrous urging for Luke to become involved. Also, we do not know Princess Leia is the leader of the rebellion in your paragraph’s first sentence, nor why she needs rescuing and from whom. In sentence two, we do not know who Han Solo or Chewbacca are, and only now do we get an idea of who they are up against. But I like your ending better than Ben’s. So my suggestion would probably a blend of yours and his.