This story sounds right up my alley. Good work!

May I suggest the following:

A scream pierced the night air. The car stopped rocking.

Blood rushed through Chuck’s temples.

The passenger door opened and a woman’s body fell out onto the ground.

Chuck stared with horror at the sightless eyes of the woman. A man closed the car door. The bloodstained kife in his hands paralyzed Chuck.

I’m looking forward to your rewrite because I know some teenagers who would love this.

In reading through your scene the first time, I hit a speed bump at what Randy called Reaction #3: Chuck and Tim were suddenly frozen in place. That sticky little word, “were” slowed things for me. Your verb “freeze” doesn’t need any help. Maybe you could say, “Chuck and Tim froze in place,” or simply, “They froze.” The shorter sentence increases the speed of the action, or so I learned from some guy at a conference who said he wanted to rule the world.

Thanks for letting us learn through your hard work.

Davalynn

Been off writing a non-fiction, but I’m back to my fantasy trilogy soon. MRU’s have stumped me for years, but I think I’m beginning to understand!

“Motivation” is anything that happens outside of the POV character.

“Reaction” is what happens in the POV character and through his actions.

Reactions should happen in the order we, humans, actually react: first physically–an involutary response, (Jake’s breath caught in his lungs,) then emotionally (as fear flew through his soul,) and finally we take action, (”Who’s out there?” he yelled. “Come out where I can see you!”) The reaction can omit any of these steps, but if we show them, they should be in this order, right?

Is it this simple, or have I missed it again?

Carol

Randy sez: Yes, you got it!