Comments on: Critiquing Your One Sentence Summaries Round 3

By: Daan Van der Merwe

Daan Van der Merwe — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 07:30:53 +0000

Thank you very much for all the extremely useful information Randy.

If, maybe in a few days you decide to move on to step 2 of the Snowflake Method, I’m ready.

By: Iain

Iain — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:20:40 +0000

Some more useful pointers Randy, thanks. Particularly the point about how being specific can actually widen the appeal by focusing on a certain type of reader.

By: Sam

Sam — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 11:42:56 +0000

I like the point of being more specific to generate interest, but I can’t imagine how to add all the details you’re asking for and keep it around 15 words. I’m looking forward to continuing my learning.
Thanks, Randy.

By: Parker Haynes

Parker Haynes — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:05:05 +0000

Randy,

I find myself in the same boat as Sam. How many specific detail can I weave with only fifteen words or so? But I’ll try again and again and again. Thanks for the time, effort, and expertise. You are APPRECIATED!

Parker

By: David Benedict

David Benedict — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:00:04 +0000

Condensing the meat of your story into a few specific words is the challenge, isn’t it? Randy didn’t tell us it wouldn’t be hard and frustrating. I’m sure my own one-sentence summary (still to be critiqued) has plenty of flaws. One I know already is to say my protagonist nearly “loses his soul.” What does that mean in everyday human experience? I’m thinking.

Thanks for all the comments, Randy. Very helpful. Very challenging.

By: Camille

Camille — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:49:51 +0000

Ditto Sam. I was going to ask the same question, but am having trouble doing it in less than 15 words, while still conveying the intensely personal poignancy of my dilemma.

A deranged (?) physicist travels back in time to kill the Apostle Paul - and you knew not to focus on the protagonist. Maybe it’s due to the ‘concept’ level factor? Your story is high concept, being a suspense/thriller, so it makes sense to follow the central action thread instead of the protag.

My story is intensely personal & low concept; the internal impact of events on the characters is central to the story, not the events themselves.

My tagline is this: What if the love that mends a heart rips it apart again?

My lame one line-revised: A bitter widower’s second chance at love means marrying a dying woman.

I know you want details on how or why she’s dying, but her illness doesn’t present during the time of the story, it’s not a central or actual event; it’s the devastating news that she has inherited a fatal disease, the inevitability of her early death that impacts the characters spiritually and emotionally, and is key to the story.

Do I still need the details of something that is in the background? I want to focus on the poignancy of their struggles and decisions. How do I hit on my story’s low concept, high internal impact? I think you’ve summarized Pride & Prejudice in one sentence, I don’t remember. (Don’t you tell me this intensely personal story is about a mom obsessed with marrying off all her daughters.)

Thanks, Randy, for working through each of our sentences; we all learn from it!

By: Sheila Deeth

Sheila Deeth — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:20:45 +0000

Thanks Randy. I’m trying to figure out which specifics to focus on. Good exercise for rewriting that one-sentence summary, and helpful with editing too - which “specific” bits to leave in, expand, contract, etc.

By: Debbie Allen

Debbie Allen — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 21:19:25 +0000

Here’s a quote from Noah Lukeman’s free Amazon download “How to Write a Great Query Letter”:

“Condensing your plot to a single sentence is a good exercise. If you can get your plot down to one sentence, imagine what you can do with three. Your three-sentence paragraph will suddenly seem to have extra room. By doing it this way-shrinking more than necessary, then expanding-you get to strip your plot down to its bare bones, then build it back up, and get to see what is truly essential.”

My question is: What if you have twin protagonists and both get equal weight in the story?

Here are sample one-sentence summaries for my two protagonists in a YA novel:

A young prince chooses a bride by kissing every maid in the kingdom, but the one he chooses disappears.

An orphan girl participating in a kissing contest has no idea that she alone holds critical information for the survival of the kingdom.

By: Mary Hake

Mary Hake — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:50:30 +0000

Debbie,
I think the second sentence draws more interest and would suffice. Readers know there has to be someone doing the kissing, and it leaves room for curiosity.