Comments on: Critiquing Alie Again http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/ America's Mad Professor of Fiction Writing Wed, 16 May 2012 15:20:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: Alie http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-767 Alie Wed, 16 May 2007 10:21:47 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-767 Thanks for the crit, Randy. I'm beginning to see how this one sentence thing works. How about this? An award-winning advertiser suspected in two murders spanning a decade races to clear his name. I don't feel the tension rising in this one like in your other examples, and it doesn't cover all the essential items. For instance, the first murdered girl died the night she jilted him for another man. I'll keep working on it. Thanks for the crit, Randy. I’m beginning to see how this one sentence thing works. How about this?

An award-winning advertiser suspected in two murders spanning a decade races to clear his name.

I don’t feel the tension rising in this one like in your other examples, and it doesn’t cover all the essential items. For instance, the first murdered girl died the night she jilted him for another man.

I’ll keep working on it.

]]> By: Carrie Neuman http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-768 Carrie Neuman Wed, 16 May 2007 10:40:33 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-768 An award-winning advertiser never cleared in his ex's murder is accused of killing again. It still doesn't have the snap it needs, but it's the important bits in 15 words. Hope it helps you punch it up. I've got a whole fle of rewrites on my sentance, and I'm still not happy with it yet. 8) An award-winning advertiser never cleared in his ex’s murder is accused of killing again.

It still doesn’t have the snap it needs, but it’s the important bits in 15 words. Hope it helps you punch it up.

I’ve got a whole fle of rewrites on my sentance, and I’m still not happy with it yet. 8)

]]> By: Jannie Ernst http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-770 Jannie Ernst Wed, 16 May 2007 12:56:08 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-770 Randy, thank you so much for this site. It's like going to college - only, I don't think any college could have taught me as much as you and my fellow writers are doing at the moment. After a few days of the one-sentence discussions, my own sentence (which looked fine a few days ago) looks quite feeble now. I'll keep on trying. Randy, thank you so much for this site. It’s like going to college - only, I don’t think any college could have taught me as much as you and my fellow writers are doing at the moment. After a few days of the one-sentence discussions, my own sentence (which looked fine a few days ago) looks quite feeble now. I’ll keep on trying.

]]> By: Carrie Stuart Parks http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-771 Carrie Stuart Parks Wed, 16 May 2007 14:11:48 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-771 I am soooo enjoying this. Is it to late to join in with an offering of a sentence? A forensic artist stumbles upon the killing grounds of a vengeful serial killer. I am soooo enjoying this. Is it to late to join in with an offering of a sentence?

A forensic artist stumbles upon the killing grounds of a vengeful serial killer.

]]> By: Eve Nielsen http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-772 Eve Nielsen Wed, 16 May 2007 14:50:28 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-772 Since Carrie added hers, I'll add mine as well-for all it's worth :) *A rejected girl discovers her gift of flight and heralds a revolution. Since Carrie added hers, I’ll add mine as well-for all it’s worth :)

*A rejected girl discovers her gift of flight and heralds a revolution.

]]> By: Pam Halter http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-773 Pam Halter Wed, 16 May 2007 17:14:37 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-773 This is harder than writing the whole novel! But I'm still working on mine. Thanks, Randy, for getting us going. Our one sentence description is SO important. This is harder than writing the whole novel! But I’m still working on mine. Thanks, Randy, for getting us going. Our one sentence description is SO important.

]]> By: Joleena Thomas http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-775 Joleena Thomas Wed, 16 May 2007 19:32:47 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-775 What I think is important about working within these tight parameters, is that it makes us take a hard look at what the essence of the story is. What's it _really_ about? Sure, a story can be complex and have sub-plots. It is driven by both external and internal forces and many kinds of change. The question I think we're asking ourselves here though is strictly defined: what kind of cloak do we want to wrap it in? What is the package to look like? Sometimes, and I think Randy mentioned this once. If we're having a real hard time nailing our sentence, the problem might be that we don't really know our story as well as we thought. And of course, if it isn't written yet, we probably don't. On the other hand, if it's already been written, maybe we're looking at it from this parental perspective where we want to _care_ for it before it goes into the world. We have these lofty ideas about it and want to pack it all in, but that defeats the purpose and inhibits our ability to write with the sparseness of who is doing what and why in ten or fifteen words. I think that our own feelings towards our summation is probably a good gage for the story itself, or at least our understanding of it. It's possible that we're just lousy at one liners, but if we feel that after all of our efforts, something is missing, then we must ask ourselves what and why. Only we know, when we get the feeling that a story is complete. That it's _done_ and totally cooked. It's probable that if a story is evolving, the one liner will too. A note on Carrie Stuart Parks', and Eve Nielsen's: I think you've both got it down perfectly. Excellent, I think. Blessings, Joleena What I think is important about working within these tight parameters, is that it makes us take a hard look at what the essence of the story is. What’s it _really_ about?

Sure, a story can be complex and have sub-plots. It is driven by both external and internal forces and many kinds of change.

The question I think we’re asking ourselves here though is strictly defined: what kind of cloak do we want to wrap it in? What is the package to look like?

Sometimes, and I think Randy mentioned this once. If we’re having a real hard time nailing our sentence, the problem might be that we don’t really know our story as well as we thought. And of course, if it isn’t written yet, we probably don’t.

On the other hand, if it’s already been written, maybe we’re looking at it from this parental perspective where we want to _care_ for it before it goes into the world. We have these lofty ideas about it and want to pack it all in, but that defeats the purpose and inhibits our ability to write with the sparseness of who is doing what and why in ten or fifteen words.

I think that our own feelings towards our summation is probably a good gage for the story itself, or at least our understanding of it. It’s possible that we’re just lousy at one liners, but if we feel that after all of our efforts, something is missing, then we must ask ourselves what and why.

Only we know, when we get the feeling that a story is complete. That it’s _done_ and totally cooked.

It’s probable that if a story is evolving, the one liner will too.

A note on Carrie Stuart Parks’, and Eve Nielsen’s:
I think you’ve both got it down perfectly. Excellent, I think.

Blessings,
Joleena

]]> By: Alie http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-776 Alie Wed, 16 May 2007 20:16:27 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-776 Thanks, Carrie. I like your version. I'll see what else I can come up with. Thanks, Carrie. I like your version. I’ll see what else I can come up with.

]]> By: Becky http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-778 Becky Thu, 17 May 2007 00:04:09 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-778 The American Library Association has a sight for what it calls 'notable books'. Many of them have one sentence summaries in the spirit of what Randy is trying to teach us. Here's the link: http://www.ala.org/ala/rusa/rusaprotools/rusanotable/thelists/notablebooks.htm The American Library Association has a sight for what it calls ‘notable books’. Many of them have one sentence summaries in the spirit of what Randy is trying to teach us. Here’s the link:
http://www.ala.org/ala/rusa/rusaprotools/rusanotable/thelists/notablebooks.htm

]]> By: Eve Nielsen http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-780 Eve Nielsen Thu, 17 May 2007 02:57:48 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/05/15/critiquing-alie-again/#comment-780 Thanks Joleen! It only took a week, lol. Thanks Joleen! It only took a week, lol.

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