Comments on: Critiquing Caprice http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/ America's Mad Professor of Fiction Writing Wed, 16 May 2012 15:15:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: Angie Farnworth http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-518 Angie Farnworth Tue, 01 May 2007 13:51:52 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-518 Great improvements, Randy. You really got to the meat of the problem areas and made this one much more clear and focused. Thanks for the example! Great improvements, Randy. You really got to the meat of the problem areas and made this one much more clear and focused. Thanks for the example!

]]> By: Kathryn http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-521 Kathryn Tue, 01 May 2007 16:53:19 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-521 Nice improvements. I like how you explained what was already there and what changed as well. Nice improvements. I like how you explained what was already there and what changed as well.

]]> By: D. E. Hale http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-522 D. E. Hale Tue, 01 May 2007 16:54:42 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-522 Hey, this is really fun! I've been trying to see if I could "fix" the examples before reading your edits. I still missed some things, but I'm getting better - woo hoo! Seeing these examples is really helping me a lot. Now, if I could just look at my own writing with an unbiased eye, I could accomplish much more. Hey, this is really fun! I’ve been trying to see if I could “fix” the examples before reading your edits. I still missed some things, but I’m getting better - woo hoo! Seeing these examples is really helping me a lot. Now, if I could just look at my own writing with an unbiased eye, I could accomplish much more.

]]> By: Joleena Thomas http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-525 Joleena Thomas Tue, 01 May 2007 19:55:15 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-525 Randy, Something's quirky here-can you help me out? Was it just a mix up in your wording or am I seeing things the *wrong* way. You had said: I’ll reorder things to begin with a Reaction, and each change from Reaction to Motivation to Reaction will trigger a new paragraph. This would result in: Reaction Motivation Reaction Motivation *However* I'm not getting that. The way I see it, your new re-writes exist as 1-Reaction characterized by Vahn's internalization that the place wasn't reputable. 2-Motivation characterized by the fact that it's an objective shot which can be seen by onlookers however (it's also a reaction-his response to seeing the rif-raf). Then there's 3-Reaction-his internalization of the smell of sweat and cheap mead-*his POV* because the regulars probably didn't think: "Boy this place stinks." Their senses took it in stride. 4- Reaction: Finally, we're getting another reaction shot-Vahn felt unusually out of place followed by dialogue.(The dialogue portions are also objective camera shots and therefore motivational, but I'm basing it on the first line of "I'm looking for Gil Hocar." Thanks Randy-- And thanks Caprice for an interesting piece to work with. Blessings, Joleena Randy, Something’s quirky here-can you help me out?

Was it just a mix up in your wording or am I seeing things the *wrong* way.

You had said: I’ll reorder things to begin with a Reaction, and each change from Reaction to Motivation to Reaction will trigger a new paragraph.

This would result in:

Reaction
Motivation
Reaction
Motivation

*However* I’m not getting that.

The way I see it, your new re-writes exist as

1-Reaction characterized by Vahn’s internalization that the place wasn’t reputable.

2-Motivation characterized by the fact that it’s an objective shot which can be seen by onlookers however (it’s also a reaction-his response to seeing the rif-raf). Then there’s

3-Reaction-his internalization of the smell of sweat and cheap mead-*his POV* because the regulars probably didn’t think: “Boy this place stinks.” Their senses took it in stride.

4- Reaction: Finally, we’re getting another reaction shot-Vahn felt unusually out of place followed by dialogue.(The dialogue portions are also objective camera shots and therefore motivational, but I’m basing it on the first line of “I’m looking for Gil Hocar.”

Thanks Randy–
And thanks Caprice for an interesting piece to work with.

Blessings,
Joleena

]]> By: yeggy http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-529 yeggy Tue, 01 May 2007 22:49:12 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-529 Thanks again, Randy. Thanks again, Randy.

]]> By: Caprice Hokstad http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-530 Caprice Hokstad Tue, 01 May 2007 23:23:18 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-530 Thank you for taking the time to critique my paragraphs. Now, if I replace my two paragraphs with your four, exactly as you have posted them here, am I plagiarizing? Thank you for taking the time to critique my paragraphs. Now, if I replace my two paragraphs with your four, exactly as you have posted them here, am I plagiarizing?

]]> By: Daan Van der Merwe http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-2111 Daan Van der Merwe Tue, 04 Sep 2007 12:58:55 +0000 http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2007/04/30/critiquing-caprice/#comment-2111 I signed up for e-zine 6 days ago and I joined the blog yesterday. I'm therefore your most junior (not youngest, I'm afraid) freshman rookie visiting this blog. If I had read Caprice's original submission 7 days ago I would have thought that it was the beginning of a great story. Today I still think so but I am grateful that I was able to spot her failure to adhere to the mru's without first taking a sneaky peak at "Randy sez:" I immediatly realized that the scene was not beginning with a motivation because Duke was "glad" .... disqualifying it from being objective and I said to myself Randy is going to go ape dirt because of this mortal sin, no? No! The dictator seems quite content to begin the scene with a reaction: "..broken windows 'suggested' this was not...", again 'suggested' disqualifying it from being objective. Be it as it may, after this I'm full of hope that I will master "the pesky little things" in the not too remote future. However, before I can't stop typing and start writing abominable bat manure, let me finish by saying that I enjoy every moment of every thing I read on the blog and all the links. THANK YOU. I signed up for e-zine 6 days ago and I joined the blog yesterday. I’m therefore your most junior (not youngest, I’m afraid) freshman rookie visiting this blog. If I had read Caprice’s original submission 7 days ago I would have thought that it was the beginning of a great story. Today I still think so but I am grateful that I was able to spot her failure to adhere to the mru’s without first taking a sneaky peak at “Randy sez:” I immediatly realized that the scene was not beginning with a motivation because Duke was “glad” …. disqualifying it from being objective and I said to myself Randy is going to go ape dirt because of this mortal sin, no? No! The dictator seems quite content to begin the scene with a reaction: “..broken windows ’suggested’ this was not…”, again ’suggested’ disqualifying it from being objective. Be it as it may, after this I’m full of hope that I will master “the pesky little things” in the not too remote future. However, before I can’t stop typing and start writing abominable bat manure, let me finish by saying that I enjoy every moment of every thing I read on the blog and all the links.
THANK YOU.

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