The first volley caused the mourners to flinch as the bugler began his sorrowful notes. Nelson’s only visible response was to clinch his hands harder. The Sergeant issued muted commands and another volley sounded. More commands. Another volley of rifle fire echoed away . The firing party ordered arms and Nelson Hawkins USMC (retired) buried his son in his heart as well as the cold earth. The final note of “taps” hung in the air as the Marine officer tread past Nelson to his daughter-in-law. His throat tightened and he looked down at his grandson standing between him and his Angie. The Marine passed the folded flag to Angie as she began sobbing. The officer kept his eyes on the flag, Nelson knowing from experience that if he had looked in Angies’ eyes, he too, would have begun crying for his lost brother Marine.
The ritual complete, Nelson felt relief. He held Angie briefly before releasing her to her family and the grief she was going to bear. The boy, still too young to fully understand, was spared the empty sadness his grandfather felt. Nelson knelt, looked the boy in his eyes and said, “Your mom is going to need your hugs, Jake. Don’t be too big a boy to give them to her. Okay?” Jake solemnly nodded.

TIA

Randy, Something’s quirky here-can you help me out?

Was it just a mix up in your wording or am I seeing things the *wrong* way.

You had said: I’ll reorder things to begin with a Reaction, and each change from Reaction to Motivation to Reaction will trigger a new paragraph.

This would result in:

Reaction
Motivation
Reaction
Motivation

*However* I’m not getting that.

The way I see it, your new re-writes exist as

1-Reaction characterized by Vahn’s internalization that the place wasn’t reputable.

2-Motivation characterized by the fact that it’s an objective shot which can be seen by onlookers however (it’s also a reaction-his response to seeing the rif-raf). Then there’s

3-Reaction-his internalization of the smell of sweat and cheap mead-*his POV* because the regulars probably didn’t think: “Boy this place stinks.” Their senses took it in stride.

4- Reaction: Finally, we’re getting another reaction shot-Vahn felt unusually out of place followed by dialogue.(The dialogue portions are also objective camera shots and therefore motivational, but I’m basing it on the first line of “I’m looking for Gil Hocar.”

Having went back and read again on MRU’s which sound like computereez, I’m realy feeling the idea of Outward/Inward…to describe this process. The outward objective view and the internal subjective reaction.

Re: Allie’s–My take on the new MRU sequence:

1-M 2-R 3-R(this one seems also like M) 4-M 5-R 6-M 7-R 8-M

This particular critique didn’t have me wondering as much. Only #3 “Tara stole a quick glance at Sgt. Taylor…” has me thinking it’s both an outward motivational shot as well as an internal reaction shot at the same time.

Thanks Randy–
And thanks Caprice and Allie and everyone else for all of the interesting pieces to work with.

Blessings,
Joleena

Question, why do you advise removing the time indicators?